The Grey Wolf Open

It’s that time of year again. The flies have returned and we need to refresh our swatting skills.

We had a massive fly management learning curve to climb last year in our first summer as full-timers. We set out with only plastic fly swatters on board, not aware of what we were in for traveling about to places where flies thrive.

The climax of our troubles was in the thick summer heat and wildfire smoke of southern Idaho. We found ourselves camping at a fairground right after the local fair had ended. It was fly heaven. For them. Not us.

They were so abundant that we couldn’t work, eat, relax—or anything—for the constant pestering and annoyance. Even if we got them beat back a little while hunkered down inside the trailer, the need to open the door of the toy hauler reset the whole scenario. At one point, a pair in coitus dropped onto J’s computer. His horrified shout of “Uuuuuuugh! Fly sex on my keyboard!” still rings in my ears.

Tools of the trade

That summer was a particularly prolific fly season everywhere it seemed. Even after we realized we needed to improve our arsenal of fly management tools, they were difficult to find. Shelves were bare of zappers, traps, and the like. We heard similar stories from around the nation.

We eventually found some traps. That helped quite a bit, luring them away from us and to their demise. The volume of carcasses in each one we deployed was simultaneously triumphant and dismaying. Also, super gross.

Digital vs analog

The traps helped reduce the number of flies invading the trailer but it was clear we’d need a multi-pronged strategy. And our flimsy fly swatters weren’t doing the trick. Not only could we not get them down to a manageable level, the walls and ceilings were getting coated with fly guts. It was vile. That meant constant wiping and cleaning on top of our regular chores that already take too much time.

Friends offered many fly-killing solutions as we bemoaned our struggles online. We were hesitant to add yet more devices that need charging to our load in the trailer but in the end we broke down and opted for the tennis racket style zapper swatter things.

Oh, the sizzle! What a glorious feeling it was to begin zapping and start to make headway in getting the fly invasion controlled. I had no idea it would feel so good. You’ve heard of runner’s high? Yeah, there’s fly swatter’s high too.

Swatting strategy

We climbed the digital zapper learning curve quickly. It’s counter-intuitive but slower is better. Swinging wildly might be good cardio but it isn’t very effective. And let’s face it, in a small RV space, you’re likely to hurt someone or break something.

If you sneak up on the winged menaces, you get a much higher kill rate. With the zapper button activated, simply ease the racket towards them. With no quick motion, they don’t see it coming. You can trap them against the wall or window, then with an ever-so-slight movement to startle them, they take flight right into the racket. Sizzle!

Another winning strategy is to catch them in the morning. They tend to roost on the ceiling over night and don’t seem to “wake up” until temperatures reach a certain point. If you can beat their internal alarm clock before you’ve had your morning coffee, you can make great headway in fly carnage before they know what hit them.

Again, the strategy is to sneak up on them. If you watch them closely, you’ll see that when they take flight from the ceiling, they don’t zip sideways right away. They drop straight down a few inches before they can make their horizontal trajectory. Slowly move your zapper racket into place underneath them before giving them a little startle and they drop right into the racket. Sizzle!

[Side note: While a stealth approach is the most successful strategy, I do have to be honest that taking one out with a wicked backhand feels really good. And yes, I do give my best Serena Williams victory fist pump every time.]

Going pro

If you’ve figured us out at all, even in the midst of big challenges, we keep a sense of humor. Before we onboarded the digital zappers, we’d developed a decent proficiency with their plastic analog cousins. One morning J. was having a particularly good go of it. He quipped, “I think I’m ready for nationals.”

The constant necessity to keep practicing produced greatly-improved results. We were still far out numbered but we continued to improve our swings—forehands, backhands, overheads—and our success rate was climbing. We eventually tried doubles. Much like in tennis though, you have to have an agreement about defense zones. In a small RV space, injury is likely if you don’t communicate well.

I think I’m ready for nationals.

J.

Also, if you’d told me years ago when I played tennis that I’d be using those skills in a scenario like this, I would have laughed and escorted you to the loony bin. In other news, if they ever do start the Fly Swatting Nationals competition, we’re ready to level up from the Grey Wolf Open—in both the digital and analog divisions.

Bonus

With the digital zappers, it turns out you can also take down larger invaders. Our rackets were off for the winter season having a well-earned rest. We were boondocking in southern Nevada when we had a sudden moth invasion one evening. It was like our fly nightmare decided to level up. They were everywhere. We tolerated it for a while but eventually reached the limit of our patience.

Initially I reached for the plastic swatter before it occurred to me that the zappers might work. Sure enough, they do. Yeah, it’s messy and the lingering smell of roasted moths was intense for a bit but at least we could finally go to sleep without them harassing us.

So yes, zappers are good for more than just house flies. There is an upper limit on the size of critter that will feel the sting through the protective mesh on the racket but you can zap some sizable invaders. It is a shame it doesn’t extend to mice though.

Ready for battle

As fly season gets back into full swing (see what I did there?), we’re ready this time—traps in stock and rackets charged. Oh, and we’ll stay away from fairgrounds.

I do not like them on the floors, I do not like them on the doors. I do not like them on the walls, I do not like these flies at all.

J.

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