Lugnut Lingerie

He sat there, nestled in our double camping chair, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. His jacket was zipped up to his neck as an antidote to the chilly morning air. He looked as rugged and sexy as ever. I descended the two steps from the trailer and watched him gazing into the distance, lost in thought.

I’m dressed in my usual morning attire—braless in my thin, orange racer-back tank top and well-loved yoga pants. I’ve got a light coat on as well, which is usually coffee-stained depending upon how long it’s been since the last laundry day. My unwashed “full-timer” hair is pulled back in its typical, sloppy bundle at the nape of my neck. I sit down in the chair next to him and take note of the impossible amount of dog hair clinging to my slippers as I cross my legs. Hella sexy, right?

He speaks finally, quite wistfully.

I love our truck.

I burst out in laughter. Here I am imagining his contemplation to be of much deeper context given his complete immersion in thought. No, he’s just full-goose bozo with our new-to-us 20-year-old Dodge Cummins diesel pickup truck.

I ask him if I need to up my game. Maybe get some Dodge logo pasties? How about some slinky lingerie bedazzled with lugnuts? I mean, how else am I to compete with the diesel dream that has clearly captured his heart?

He laugh-choked on his coffee for a few moments, his contemplative mood entirely derailed by my comments. Because my suggestions didn’t stop there, of course. I had to wax eloquent for several minutes about the infinite possibilities of lugnut lingerie.

Just think of the merchandising opportunities.